"Sad news, Rajender committed suicide. He has 2 kids, both less than 10" - This chilling WhatsApp message that I received a few minutes ago has become news in our Society! In a study conducted by National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), there was an average of 418 suicides happening daily in India^{1}.

'Selfishness' in suicide

That might sound a bit harsh, but true! When I love myself so much that I don't want to let myself 'suffer' and hence I put an end to it all! That is a classic selfish mindset, isn't it? Or by ending my life, I am taking revenge on someone else who is left to regret for the rest of their lives. Again, that is nothing but outright 'selfishness'! Therefore, if you are contemplating 'suicide', may you know for sure that you are about to display your utter 'selfishness'! Is that how you want to be known after you are gone?!

Relationship issues

As per the NCRB Study, 66.7% of suicide cases are married people. According to that study, in 40% of cases, the 'cause' of suicide is reported as 'family and marriage problems' and another 4.5% as 'love affairs"!! That means, close to 50% of suicide cases are connected to 'relationship issues'.

Our relationships begin from the time we are conceived in our mother's womb. It gives us a 'sense of belonging' and 'security'. This sense of 'belonging' makes us feel 'significant' and helps us grow strong psychologically. There are several studies to indicate that children growing up in an atmosphere of strong bonding are psychologically and emotionally stronger than children from broken homes.

We approach our counterparts in marriage with the hope of establishing this 'relationship' on a much deeper level. Marriage offers the opportunity to fuse together our whole being, mind, body and soul in a way that no other relationship can provide. As the ancient Scriptures rightly pointed out about marriage in these words, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."^{2} Marriage is the ultimate 'relationship' at human level that can provide the greatest feeling of 'belonging', 'acceptance' and 'love' where they never feel 'ashamed' even with their weaknesses.

But then, why are there so many 'relationship issues' in some marriages? Are there ways to solve these issues rather than 'running away' from them through suicide or divorce?

Conflicts in marriage

Someone rightly said "a conflict-less marriage is a 'sick marriage'; but a 'conflict-resolving' marriage is a healthy marriage." Marriage is between two individuals who bring along their 'weaknesses' along with their 'strengths' to the relationship. If you grew up believing in 'films' that showcase only the 'strengths' of heroes and heroines in relationships, you are in for a shock (for that matter, many of those heroes and heroines were in shock when they really got married!). The primary requirement to 'resolve conflict' in marriage is to 'accept the weakness' of both you and your partner.

A sincere couple who are willing to accept their weaknesses in personality and behaviour will move to the next step of resolving them. Conflict resolution doesn't work if one has to continue with their 'annoying behaviour'. Instead of hiding behind the excuse that these weaknesses you have inherited from your revered

Father or Mother, it is important to find ways to solve them. Take the help of your spouse to solve them. There is no 'shame' required in a married relationship. "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall"^{3}.

It is also important to check the level of 'selfishness' that we entertain in our character. A relationship will flourish only on the ground of 'sacrificial love'. We love legendary stories that describe how great people have sacrificed themselves for the love of their people, etc. But when it comes to our own lives, we find it difficult. 'I', 'Me' and 'Myself' are the only three 'people' that I wanted to satisfy! No wonder the Bible gives the model of 'Jesus Christ's sacrificial love' as an example to follow for every husband! That is the ultimate selfless love, because Jesus Christ, the eternal God, took the lowly human form and sacrificed Himself even unto the most shameful death on a Cross for human beings who hated Him! In our counselling experiences, the majority of issues are ultimately tied up to the extraordinary level of selfishness in spouses involved.

All these relationship issues can be resolved to a great extent through appropriate communications. In certain situations, it may require the help of trained counsellors to put the issues into perspective and help spouses to resolve their issues.

Can suicide be a solution?

Suicide is never a solution - it is nothing but cowardly running away from the problem without being willing to solve it. One can say that I have tried it for many years, and it doesn't work with this person. Thomas Edison, who invented the 'light bulb', failed around 1000 times in attempting to light up a bulb. When a reporter asked, "How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?" Edison replied, "I didn't fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps." He used 2000 different materials in search of a filament for the light bulb. When none worked satisfactorily, his assistant complained, "All our work is in vain. We have learned nothing." Edison replied very confidently, "Oh, we have come a long way and we have learned a lot. We now know that there are two thousand elements which we cannot use to make a good light bulb".

A relationship of three-strands

There is a Jewish proverb that goes "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."^{4} It alludes to the 3rd element in a marriage relationship with God Himself. When the living God is 'part of your marriage relationship', there are greater standards such as selfless sacrifices; justice, fidelity, kindness, commitment etc. get set in our daily lives. When there are 'violations' of these characteristics, we will 'take it to the Lord in prayer' and work on them 'gently with our spouses'. After all, life is too precious to 'run away from'! By the by, who said you are safely 'running away' as long as you have no idea what is expected on the other side? "It is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgement"^{5} That means, you are only complicating your case further by 'running away'! Hold on! It is possible to solve them!

^{1} NCRB 2020 Annual Report

^{3} Bible - Genesis 2:24,25

^{3} Bible - Proverbs 16:18

^{4} Bible - Ecclesiastes 4:12

^{5} Bible - Hebrews 9:27