Infatuation

By definition, infatuation is an 'obsessively strong passion for someone' developed internally. It is an intense emotional feeling towards the person in focus. Several psychologists have pointed out that chemical substances such as Oxytocin, Phenethylamine and Dopamine have been found to play a role in the experience of infatuation. Often, this feeling is associated with a sudden spurt of energy, deep focus on the object of the muse, sweaty palms, a racing heart and a feeling of elation.

As in the case of any other feelings, the effect of this chemical-rush doesn't remain static all the time. It is bound to reduce as time goes by. The only way to sustain this 'feeling of rush' is to attain additional 'progress' in the relationship. For example, if you are infatuated with a person, in the first instance, merely seeing that person gives you that 'rush of blood' like a thousand watts of electricity passing through your veins. After a little while, merely 'seeing' them doesn't give you that 'high', it requires a 'smile' from that person. Later, a mere 'smile' will not do... a private chat with that person is required for you to get that same feeling of 'elation' that you experienced in the beginning. Further, more and more progress is required to sustain the same level of 'feeling'.

Many people misunderstand these feelings as the 'ultimate experience of love'! It's often romanticised as being 'knee-deep in love' (sometimes 'drowned in love')! They even consider getting married on the basis of these feelings for one another. Within a few months or years of marriage, all the 'additional progress' in their relationship longer gets over, and they no longer experience the old 'rush of blood' when they interact with each other. It is at this point that many decide to end their marriage, since they no longer 'feel' that there is any 'life' in that relationship! Later, a new 'infatuation' in the office or neighbourhood could suddenly offer them that 'old excitement' again! This never-ending cycle continues all their lives, and they end their lives unsatisfied with 3 or 4 marriages! Some of them choose to remain unsatisfied in the same marriage either due to 'children' or any such compulsions, and they live a 'divorced life internally' both having their own independent lives under the same roof.

Real love

Real love is a 'commitment' of oneself to seek the welfare and goodness of the other person without expecting anything in return, including the feeling of 'elation'. The person who has real 'love' for another human being finds their own delight in the 'joy' of the other person, even if that requires him/her to sacrifice themselves. It doesn't require any 'external fire' in the relationship other than the self-motivation to love sacrificially. Even when the 'chemical rush' in the body diminishes, love doesn't, because the commitment to love is not made based on those 'feelings'.

Ancient Greeks had a separate word itself for this kind of real love 'Agape'. They defined 'agape' love as divine or God-like and considered it to be the highest form of love. At this level of love, the response from the object of love is immaterial as the 'covenant' and 'commitment' of love is in operation here. It seeks the welfare and comfort of the object even at the cost of one's own welfare and comfort. The Bible uses this word 'Agape' to describe the love of Jesus Christ for humanity. This is because He came to this world and sacrificed Himself for sinful humanity, bearing their punishment as a substitute. Humans hated Him, but He 'so loved the world' that He gave Himself as a sacrifice to those same people who hated Him^{1}.

When a person gets married, the 'chemical rush' experiences are part of the excitement. Everything that the spouse does excites them in the initial stages. As the years pass by, this positive chemical-impact reduces in the body as the pace of 'new things' decreases. It is at this time that 'real love' gets tested.

The characteristics of real love are described below^{2}:

There is a world of difference between these two! Infatuation dies a natural death whereas real love endures forever!

^{1} Bible - John 3:16

^{2} Bible - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7